The new Starbucks may be getting all the buzz, but this new-ish coffee shop on my stretch of Queen St. E. has the ballsiest name.
I love it!
Their organic coffee and fresh-baked muffins are pretty darned good, too. And their menu lists something called “The All-Butter Butter Tart”… mmmmmm.
Posted by: Paul Gorbould | 11-29-2006 | 01:11 PM
Posted in: Apocalypse signs | Toronto | Comments (0)
I’m sure you’ve seen the buzz about “The 100 Greatest TV Quotes & Catch Phrases” thing coming up on TV Land (since when did they make headlines?)
The gist of it: TV Land compiled what they think are the greatest TV catch phrases of all time, and will be counting them down starting Dec. 11.
In alphabetical order, here is TV Land’s list:
–”Aaay” (Fonzie, “Happy Days”)
–”And that’s the way it is” (Walter Cronkite, “CBS Evening News”)
–”Ask not what your country can do for you …” (John F. Kennedy)
–”Baby, you’re the greatest” (Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden, “The Honeymooners”)
–”Bam!” (Emeril Lagasse, “Emeril Live”)
–”Book ‘em, Danno” (Steve McGarrett, “Hawaii Five-O”)
–”Come on down!” (Johnny Olson, “The Price is Right”)
–”Danger, Will Robinson” (Robot, “Lost in Space”)
–”De plane! De plane!” (Tattoo, “Fantasy Island”)
–”Denny Crane” (Denny Crane, “Boston Legal”)
–”Do you believe in miracles?” (Al Michaels, 1980 Winter Olympics)
–”D’oh!” (Homer Simpson, “The Simpsons”)
–”Don’t make me angry …” (David Banner, “The Incredible Hulk”)
–”Dyn-o-mite” (J.J., “Good Times”)
–”Elizabeth, I’m coming!” (Fred Sanford, “Sanford and Son”)
–”Gee, Mrs. Cleaver …” (Eddie Haskell, “Leave it to Beaver”)
–”God’ll get you for that” (Maude, “Maude”)
–”Good grief” (Charlie Brown, “Peanuts” specials)
–”Good night, and good luck” (Edward R. Murrow, “See It Now”)
–”Good night, John Boy” (”The Waltons”)
–”Have you no sense of decency?” (Joseph Welch to Sen. McCarthy)
–”Heh heh” (Beavis and Butt-head, “Beavis and Butthead”)
–”Here it is, your moment of Zen” (Jon Stewart, “The Daily Show”)
–”Here’s Johnny!” (Ed McMahon, “The Tonight Show”)
–”Hey now!” (Hank Kingsley, “The Larry Sanders Show”)
–”Hey hey hey!” (Dwayne Nelson, “What’s Happening!!”)
–”Hey hey hey!” (Fat Albert, “Fat Albert”)
–”Holy (whatever), Batman!” (Robin, “Batman”)
–”Holy crap!” (Frank Barone, “Everybody Loves Raymond”)
–”Homey don’t play that!” (Homey the Clown, “In Living Color”)
–”How sweet it is!” (Jackie Gleason, “The Jackie Gleason Show”)
–”How you doin’?” (Joey Tribbiani, “Friends”)
–”I can’t believe I ate the whole thing” (Alka Seltzer ad)
–”I know nothing!” (Sgt. Schultz, “Hogan’s Heroes”)
–”I love it when a plan comes together” (Hannibal, “The A-Team”)
–”I want my MTV!” (MTV ad)
–”I’m Larry, this is my brother Darryl …” (Larry, “Newhart”)
–”I’m not a crook …” (Richard Nixon)
–”I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV” (Vicks Formula 44 ad)
–”I’m Rick James, bitch!” (Dave Chappelle as Rick James, “Chappelle’s Show”)
–”Is that your final answer?” (Regis Philbin, “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”)
–”It keeps going and going and going …” (Energizer Batteries ad)
–”It takes a licking …” (Timex ad)
–”Jane, you ignorant slut” (Dan Aykroyd to Jane Curtin, “Saturday Night Live”)
–”Just one more thing …” (Columbo, “Columbo”)
–”Let’s be careful out there” (Sgt. Esterhaus, “Hill Street Blues”)
–”Let’s get ready to rumble!” (Michael Buffer, various sports events)
–”Live long and prosper” (Spock, “Star Trek”)
–”Makin’ whoopie” (Bob Eubanks, “The Newlywed Game”)
–”Mom always liked you best” (Tommy Smothers, “The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour”)
–”Never assume …” (Felix Unger, “The Odd Couple”)
–”Nip it!” (Barney Fife, “The Andy Griffith Show”)
–”No soup for you!” (The Soup Nazi, “Seinfeld”)
–”Norm!” (”Cheers”)
–”Now cut that out!” (Jack Benny, “The Jack Benny Program”)
–”Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!” (Stan and Kyle, “South Park”)
–”Oh, my nose!” (Marcia Brady, “The Brady Bunch”)
–”One small step for man …” (Neil Armstrong)
–”Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?” (Grey Poupon ad)
–”Read my lips: No new taxes!” (George H.W. Bush)
–”Resistance is futile” (Picard as Borg, “Star Trek: The Next Generation”)
–”Say good night, Gracie” (George Burns, “The Burns & Allen Show”)
–”Schwing!” (Mike Myers and Dana Carvey as Wayne and Garth, “Saturday Night Live”)
–”Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy” (Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quayle)
–”Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids” (Trix cereal ad)
–”Smile, you’re on `Candid Camera”‘ (”Candid Camera”)
–”Sock it to me” (”Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In”)
–”Space, the final frontier …” (Capt. Kirk, “Star Trek”)
–”Stifle!” (Archie Bunker, “All in the Family”)
–”Suit up!” (Barney Stinson, “How I Met Your Mother”)
–”Tastes great! Less filling!” (Miller Lite beer ad)
–”Tell me what you don’t like about yourself” (Dr. McNamara and Dr. Troy, “Nip/Tuck”)
–”That’s hot” (Paris Hilton, “The Simple Life”)
–”The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat” (Jim McKay, “ABC’s Wide World of Sports”)
–”The tribe has spoken” (Jeff Probst, “Survivor”)
–”The truth is out there” (Fox Mulder, “The X-Files”)
–”This is the city …” (Sgt. Joe Friday, “Dragnet”)
–”Time to make the donuts” (”Dunkin’ Donuts” ad)
–”Two thumbs up” (Siskel & Ebert, “Siskel & Ebert”)
–”Up your nose with a rubber hose” (Vinnie Barbarino, “Welcome Back, Kotter”)
–”We are two wild and crazy guys!” (Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd as Czech playboys, “Saturday Night Live”)
–”Welcome to the O.C., bitch” (Luke, “The O.C.”)
–”Well, isn’t that special?” (Dana Carvey as the Church Lady, “Saturday Night Live”)
–”We’ve got a really big show!” (Ed Sullivan, “The Ed Sullivan Show”)
–”Whassup?” (Budweiser ad)
–”What you see is what you get!” (Geraldine, “The Flip Wilson Show”)
–”Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout, Willis?” (Arnold Drummond, “Diff’rent Strokes”)
–”Where’s the beef?” (Wendy’s ad)
–”Who loves you, baby?” (Kojak, “Kojak”)
–”Would you believe?” (Maxwell Smart, “Get Smart”)
–”Yabba dabba do!” (Fred Flintstone, “The Flintstones”)
–”Yada, yada, yada” (”Seinfeld”)
–”Yeah, that’s the ticket” (Jon Lovitz as the pathological liar, “Saturday Night Live”)
–”You eeeediot!” (Ren, “Ren & Stimpy”)
–”You look mahvelous!” (Billy Crystal as Fernando, “Saturday Night Live”)
–”You rang?” (Lurch, “The Addams Family”)
–”You’re fired!” (Donald Trump, “The Apprentice”)
–”You’ve got spunk …” (Lou Grant, “The Mary Taylor Moore Show”)
OK, not bad. But here is my top ten list of ones they left out, or at least phrases that I like (maybe they didn’t resonate with anyone but me.)
** “What’s up doc?” (Bugs Bunny, “Looney Tunes”)
** “He shoots, he scores!” (Foster Hewitt, “Hockey Night in Canada”)
** “Not that there’s anything wrong with that” (Jerry Seinfeld, “Seinfeld”)
** “Eat my shorts” (Bart Simpson, “The Simpsons”)
** “Ha ha!” (Nelson Muntz, “The Simpsons”)
** “Exterminate!” (Daleks, “Doctor who”)
** “Not!” (Mike Myers and Dana Carvey as Wayne and Garth, “Saturday Night Live”)
** “You are the weakest link. Goodbye.” (Anne Robinson, “The weakest link”)
** “Survey says:” (Richard Dawson, “Family Feud”)
** “I pity the fool!” (B.A. Baracus, “The A Team”)
After those ten, here are some other personal suggestions:
** “That’s the news, and I am outta here” (Dennis Miller, “Weekend Update” on SNL)
** “I did not have sex with that woman” (Bill Clinton)
** “Sorry about that, Chief” AND
“Missed it by that much” (Maxwell Smart, “Get Smart”)
** “Hogaaaaaan!” (Col. Wilhelm Klink, “Hogan’s Heroes”)
** “I’m in hot pursuit!” (Rosco P. Coltrane, “The Dukes of Hazard”)
** “Are you kidding me?” AND
“Break out the salami and cheese, this one’s over” (Chuck Swirsky, Raptors announcer)
** “Hello every bod-yyyyy!” (Grover, “Sesame Street”)
** “Hey there Boo Boo!” AND
“I’m smarter than the average bear!” (Yogi Bear, Hanna-Barbera cartoons)
** “Meep meep!” (The Roadrunner, “Looney Tunes”)
** “Kermit the frog here” (Kermit, “The Muppet Show”)
** “Oh my God, Magnum!” (Jonathan Quayle Higgins III, Magnum P.I.)
** “Look up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Superman!” (crowd, “The Adventures of Superman”)
** “Scooby dooby doo!” (Scooby-Doo, “Scooby-Doo, Where are You!”)
As you can see, I think cartoons are hugely under-represented. And of course I could have picked dozens of other phrases from The Simpsons, SNL, Seinfeld etc., but I figured I’d just select a couple.
What else was missed by TV Land (and me)? Let me know!
Posted by: Paul Gorbould | 11-28-2006 | 03:11 PM
Posted in: Television | Comments (1)
I took advantage of another CBC perk yesterday: free studio tapings. I spent an hour watching a pre-taping of The Hour, featuring an interview with Jack Black and Kyle Gass of Tenacious D.
Now, I have no plans to see their movie, but the interview was a hoot. George Stroumboulopoulos began with a mock-serious question about Israel and Palestine, and it got sillier from there. Black was manic as always, but KG set the tone with his bright orange T-shirt (tie-died with a large dragon on the front, the neck and armpits ripped out) plus shorts, white sport socks, and flip-floppy sandals.
I won’t bore you with a complete analysis of the taping (Allan did a nice overview on Teamakers a while back), but a few things struck me about the interview.
First, Strombo is a total pro. He spent every spare moment chatting with the people in the audience (no need to rehearse or practice anything), and was so polite as to ask their permission to record a voice-over. Everything was done with one take. I’ve been to tapings before, and they are usually a little boring (or downright painful) with retake after retake, forced laughter from the audience, etc. Not here.
The other refreshing thing was that the guests made no bones about the fact that the movie was flopping. Even though it’s still in the theatres, the pair came right out and said it was disappointing, and they had hoped for a better opening. Actually, they were pretty funny about it.
Black: “It kinda sucks. But I heard that Citizen Kane only made a million when it first came out, so we’re like, twice as good as that movie! But only 1/20th as good as the dancing penguin movie.”
The interview airs tonight.
Posted by: Paul Gorbould | 11-28-2006 | 01:11 PM
Posted in: CBC | Television | Comments (4)
I spotted this new (I think) sign outside the Metro Toronto Convention Centre today. Please tell me what it means:
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Posted by: Paul Gorbould | 11-27-2006 | 02:11 PM
Posted in: Apocalypse signs | Commuting | Comments (1)
Morris Peterson isn’t the only one with elbow issues.
All my shirts are worn out on the left elbow. Why?
OK, not all of them, but I have at least five or six shirts with bare patches or holes in the left elbow, while the right elbows are pristine.
It must be something to do with the way I sit in my office chair. My left arm spends more time on the arm rest than my right, which is usually reaching for the mouse.
The left arm rest of my chair does have a rip in it, but I think it’s too far back to be the culprit. I guess I should consider myself lucky that it’s just my clothes, and not my elbows or wrists. Perhaps I should bring in a single rollerblading elbow pad.
Has anyone else had this strange problem?
I think I need an ergonomist. And a tailor.
*** UPDATE! I found an ergonomist, and he fixed my problem. See the full story here. ***
Posted by: Paul Gorbould | 11-24-2006 | 03:11 PM
Posted in: Blather | Comments (25)
Something strange happened at the Raptors game I was at tonight. No, not the fact that they won - at 3-8, that’s merely unusual, not strange.
Tonight was Morris Peterson Figurine Night, a give-away to celebrate Mo-Pete’s NBA “iron man” record of 371 games played without missing time due to injury.
Well, someone must have broken one of them, or stuck the steel support pin into it like a voodoo doll. Tonight, on the very day the Raptors celebrate Peterson’s durability, the streak ended. The ironman was on the sidelines in street clothes, nursing an elbow injury.
Just in case there’s some mojo in the voodoo dolls, I’ve thoughtfully created an arm sling for mine.
So now my “limited edition” figurine (7,494 of 10,000) is even more limited; we may have to wait another four years before celebrating the ironman record (say, how many injuries did Vince have during that stretch?)
Oh well, they are nice dolls. They came in large white boxes, and although you were supposed to show your coupon to claim one, it was a free-for-all at the main gate. The guy in front of us told his friend, “I don’t know what these are, but I’ve got two of ‘em!”
Get well soon, Mo-Pete. For now, you go on the shelf - literally. Right beside my Vince Carter “Mr. Big” bobblehead. I’m betting your figurine lasts longer.
Posted by: Paul Gorbould | 11-23-2006 | 02:11 AM
Posted in: Blather | Sports | Comments (2)
Brushes with fame #3
(By a narrow margin [52%] Russell Crowe beat out Pierce Brosnan in my “which brush with fame comes next?” poll. Here’s that story.)
I missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime.
I could have easily precipitated an ugly incident with a famously hotheaded celebrity, one with deep pockets. I could have been sipping pina coladas off the avails of an out-of-court settlement. But it didn’t occur to me until a couple of hours too late.
Here’s the setup. A couple of years ago, I was riding my bike to work along my usual path: along the Lakeshore, over the Bump that Stumps, up Cherry St. and past the Distillery District.
I love the Distillery, and always have - even before the stunning redevelopment, I’d see it from the Go Train and dream of wandering around the abandoned Gooderham & Worts yard. At a minimum I figured there’d be some good photography spots to be found. I couldn’t be happier with what they’ve done to the place, and if I were young and single (neither could be farther from the case) I’d have bought a condo there. Or at least be writing this from a tub chair in Balzac’s, my favourite coffee spot in the city.
But back to the story. As I was riding up Cherry Street, I noticed a phalanx of white trucks parked on either side - a common enough sight, the hallmark of a movie shoot. Normally, I stop and check out the manadatory sheet of paper on the windshields of each truck, which tell you the title and type of film. But I was late, so I kept riding up between them.
As I passed bybbnnjjjhjhgmmkkkkkjjjjjjjhhggfgdszzzxcvb.btgtszzxcv bbbbngfdzaaaaadefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
(Sorry, my daughter just came by and wanted to try the keyboard. Where was I?)
Oh, right. As I passed between the trailers, I saw two guys standing in the road, tossing around what appeared to be a rugby ball. I had to swerve to avoid crashing into them, and as I did so I caught a glimpse of a guy who looked for all the world like Russell Crowe. Except he had black hair.
Sure looked like him, though. And I knew (from watching the extra features on the Master & Commander DVD) that Crowe, an Australian, was a huge rugby fan and often plays rugby with his cast and crew, so it certainly seemed plausible - but why would Gladiator be in my hood?
After turning the corner, I passed the main part of the shoot - the Distillery had been done up to look like a depression-era dockworks.
As soon as I got to work, I looked up Russell Crowe on IMDb, and saw that he was filming something called Cinderella Man, playing a boxer named Jim Braddock. Two more web searches, and I found that it was filming in Toronto, and that Braddock had black hair.
Back to IMDb, and posted a comment in their discussion threads to see if anyone could confirm my sighting. A few hours later, an extra on the set said that Crowe was indeed playing rugby on Cherry St. that day. Bingo!
A few weeks later, Cinderella Man came even closer - they began filming a street scene on my part of Queen St. E. (a few of my crappy PalmPilot photos are below. The shot of Crowe up top is not mine.)
You wouldn’t believe the amount of work they did to turn our Depression-era strip into a… Depression-era strip. Storefronts on both sides of the road were completely redone for three blocks.
One of Toronto’s busiest streets was sporadically shut down for days on end. And I heard they spent a million dollars just to move the overhead hydro wires.
How can such expenses be worthwhile? For a million bucks, couldn’t they just digitally remove those wires? For that matter, you’d think it’d be cheaper to shoot the whole thing in a studio, rather than closing down a whole neighbourhood. Movie economics boggle my mind.
Of course, this is Queen East, not Queen West. Some of the stores didnt need any decorating at all. In fact, the Depression-era fascades were an improvement for some buildings, and they actually kept using the window treatments and blinds after the filming wrapped up.
The highlight for me was all the cars. They rented out almost every antique car in Southern Ontario (and their owners) to line the three blocks of Queen St. And when a particular shot was finished, there would be a mighty roar as all these jalopies were cranked up and shuffled around to different parking spots.
But the highlight for my daughter was the fake snow in the summer. Real snow, actually: they trucked in massive blocks of ice, shaved them down and sprayed them into drifts of real snow (they did place sheets of white foam underneath first.)
Neat, but my heart went out to the poor extras who had to stand around in their trenchcoats and fedoras all the sweltering day long.
Well, there you have it. With all that film money floating around, you’d think they could spare a few $100K for a near-miss on an innocent cyclist, right? I mean, I saw that look in Crowe’s eyes… I’m pretty sure he was getting ready to hit me with a phone.
Posted by: Paul Gorbould | 11-22-2006 | 02:11 PM
Posted in: Brushes with fame | Comments (1)
The crosswalk outside CBC, at the corner of Front St. and John St., has gone digital.
Digital watch, that is - in addition to the regular crosswalk signs (White Man says walk, Red Hand says halt!) and noises (chirping) there’s now a timer that counts down how many seconds you have left to cross the street.
I’ve never seen this before. It’s quite mesmerizing, actually - I end up staring at the time remaining instead of getting my ass to safety. You get something like 20 seconds to cross - seven seconds of white hand safety, then 13 seconds until you get greased by a Hippo bus.
I don’t understand the need for it, but I love it. It’s like one of those Hollywood movie time bombs ticking away, or the Christmas tree lights at a drag strip.
I’ve only crossed there twice since the installation, and already I’m inventing games to play with the countdown. How fast can I cross? How late in the count can I go before I dash? What will my personal best be?
And I can only imagine the elderly tourist staring at those seconds draining away, terrified that they won’t make it, and staying on one side of the street forever. As a colleague pointed out, knowing the number of seconds remaining is only useful if you know how long it takes you to cross the street.
This is going to take some practice.
Posted by: Paul Gorbould | 11-21-2006 | 06:11 PM
Posted in: Apocalypse signs | Comments (0)
As you can see from this photo (from Joe Clark’s Flickr, via Leslieville.org), my little corner of Leslieville is inches away from having a new Starbucks.
Joe has a great site about this impending event, and my neighbours are torn between being excited about drinking the coffee and being excited about the implications to their property values. Hurray… Leslieville can now overcharge for both!
I’d better brush up on my lingua barista, though. I went to the Starbucks by CBC today, and the woman in front of me ordered the following (and this is verbatim):
One tall no-fat sugar-free vanilla latte extra hot no whipped cream
And the guy behind the counter (I guess he’d be a barista, but wouldn’t the male term be baristo? Or is barista just pretend language?) repeated the order exactly, from memory, to the guy actually pouring the coffee. But that guy had to write furiously on the cup, spiraling around the thing twice.
Which makes me ask, what’s the point of this relay process anyhow? It seems to be particular to Starbucks. You say your order, and the cashier just says it again to someone else, who goes and makes it. Couldn’t I tell him or her directly, or couldn’t the person at the cash go get the coffee?
This seems to be an institutionalized version of the broken telephone game. Except the words are more complicated, and you have to drink the final product.
And overpay for it.
Posted by: Paul Gorbould | 11-20-2006 | 05:11 PM
Posted in: Apocalypse signs | Comments (1)
I finally saw Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, and like everyone in the world I found it hilarious. But I had a particular interest in seeing this film:
I’m the only person I know who has actually been to Kazakhstan.
I spent a week there in the summer of 1993, on the heels of a month of study in Moscow. Dmitri, a good friend from Trent University, was from Kazakhstan, and invited me to stay with his family once my studies wrapped up. After my final essay, I boarded an Aeroflot jet and flew to Almaty (then called Alma-Ata) for an eye-opening week in a country most people had never heard of.
So, was it anything like Borat’s Kazakhstan? No, of course not, but it hardly matters, does it? Don’t worry, I’m not going to write an indignant defense of Kazakhstan, nor assault Sacha Baron Cohen’s artistic license. I won’t even review the film, because CBC.ca colleague Katrina Onstad has already written a stellar review.
But I think it might be worth seeing if my experience of the country sheds light on your experience of the movie. And it’s a chance to drag out some photos that predate my Flickr.
Geographically, the film depiction isn’t far off – the green hills backed by mountains you see in the film are actually Romania, but it’s fairly similar. Flying into Almaty reminded me a bit of flying into Calgary – a city of a little over 1 million, with mountains on one side, grasslands on the other (except that beyond the Almaty grasslands is a desert, and China.)
You’ll recall that the early 1990s were a rough time for most former Soviet republics. Kazakhstan got lucky – they had a stable government and a West-friendly president. And the nation is swimming in natural resources - more than 90 per cent of the elements on the periodic table can be found there. The big one is oil (not the “superior potassium” mentioned in the “national anthem” sung by Borat). Even in 1993 Almaty was crawling with Texas oil men.
In Borat, the Kazakhstani people are uniformly represented by backwards peasants, and while it makes for a good laugh, it won’t surprise you to learn it isn’t accurate. Ethnically, the population of about 15 million is split almost evenly between Caucasians (mostly Russian) and Kazakhs (more Asian in appearance.) Almaty is a rather exciting split of east meets west. [At left is a good example: a traditional “yurt” hut, which a family was living in while their new brick home was under construction. I was hoping for a yurt reference in the film, but alas.]
Kazakhstan also enjoys a 50-50 split of Christians and Muslims, and for the most part the different races and religions get along better than they do in the rest of the world.
There’s no “running of the Jew” – in fact, Judaism isn’t even on the radar – but there are some clashes between the two halves of the population. According to Dmitri, the real divide is between the urban and rural dwellers. The citizens of Almaty are more Russian and better educated, and some see the rural Kazakhs the way we see the Borat peasants. When said peasants come to town to party, there can be trouble (just before I arrived, Dmitri’s brother was badly hurt in such a scuffle.)
But for the most part, people of different backgrounds generally got along famously. Dmitri’s friends were a mixed bunch, but they immediately took me under their collective wing. Which was a little unnerving, because his little gang was involved in activities that appeared quasi-legal at best.
These were the first, heady days of post-Soviet, Wild West capitalism, and Dmitri’s friends were getting in on the action. They had somehow cornered the import market on Absolut Vodka, and distributed it to various kiosks, collecting what appeared to be protection money in return. I was taken to see other ventures that were of the “import/export” variety, but I never really figured out what was considered above board and what was below. I’m not sure the authorities were clear on those lines themselves.
Anyhow, you’d be hard pressed to find friendlier people than the Kazakhstanis. I had tea with their grandmothers, vodka and barbeque at their dachas (cottages up in the mountains, some of which I must admit looked like the hovels in Borat.)
The ride up to the dachas was something of a turning point in my life. Dmitri’s friends all drove Ladas, but in typical young man fashion, they raced the hell out of them. We’d be swerving the little deathtraps in and out of traffic like it was The Italian Job, Dmitri howling that we’d never catch his friend because he had the big new 1.4 litre engine to our 1.3 L. (It was a little like this.)
Then you get out of town into the mountains, and you start racing along cliff sides.
My turning point came about 10 seconds into the first race, when I realized the Ladas had no seatbelts. I kept fumbling for one, nails digging into the seat in front of me, mind racing through my options. Ask them to slow down? Driving off a cliff at 40 mph isn’t a big improvement on doing so at 70 mph. Stop the car? No, I’d only have to take a worse car back, or walk – and to be a pedestrian around these guys was even more dangerous.
And I was going to be here for a week, and there would never be a seatbelt. That’s when it dawned on me: I was either going to die, or I wasn’t. It was completely in God’s hands, and no amount of fretting was going to influence His decision. So I sat back to see which way He was leaning.
That moment has served me well later in life. There are times when things are out of your hands, and it’s OK to stop worrying. I now understand the phrase Insha’allah.
Anyhow, that was about the extent of my Cultural Learnings. It doesn’t really have much bearing on Borat, come to think of it. But I can enthusiastically say the people there aren’t anything like the incestuous, prostitute-loving goat herders in the film (and to be crass for a moment, the women don’t look much like the trolls Borat was married to, as you can see from this picture - that’s me on the right.)
Like much of the former Soviet Union, the people and the history and the geography are both inspiring and heartbreaking. I keep thinking that the Kazakhstanis I met would probably get a real kick out of their portrayal in Borat. We’ve heard the official reaction, but in truth the film is so ridiculous as to be non-threatening - nobody really thinks this is what Kazakhstan is like. Do they?
I wonder if there are a bunch of Dmitri types that have already watched it on some pirate DVD or download, and laughed even harded than I did. I bet there are.
Posted by: Paul Gorbould | 11-19-2006 | 03:11 AM
Posted in: Blather | Comments (3)
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