Christmas Parking

A friend of mine from Journalism School had a theory that I’ve always wondered about at this time of year.

The theory goes like this:

If the parking lot you are trying to use is completely full, you have just as much chance of finding a spot right up front as at the back.

The reasoning seems sound enough. Once the lot is full, someone will have to leave for you to get a spot. And where they leave from is random. Even better, it might even be more likely that they were parked at the front, because they arrived earlier and therefore finished earlier than those at the back.

It’s an appealing theory, and I’d love to verify it - but part of me just isn’t buying. Seems too good to be true.

For starters, lots are seldom completely and utterly full. At this time of year, they are usually 90 per cent full, meaning that your spot is probably waiting for you way back there by the overpass.

Second, this season also brings out a breed of aggressive chauffer dads, who drop off their charges and circle the prime spots like barracudas. You don’t really want to challenge these alpha male minivans. At best you’ll be stuck behind someone who’s staked out what he feels is an impending opening. Worse are the ones who smell blood, burning rubber to “claim” a parcel-laden shopper, then creeping along behind them like a lioness on an elderly wildebeest. It’s the law of the jungle, and you’d be better off taking the long walk and arriving alive.

Still, I hold out the tantalizing hope that my buddy is right (he now works at a major newspaper, and if he ever reads this blog, hopefully he’ll say if he still supports his thesis.) Somewhere out there, right across from the mall entrance and right beside the handicapped spaces, there’s a nice, wide parking spot with my name on it.

And when I find it, I’ll appreciate it. I’m gonna buy someone the biggest, heaviest present in the mall just because I can. ‘Tis the season.

Posted by: Paul Gorbould | 12-21-2006 | 11:12 PM
Posted in: Rants