Bum deal
For the past couple of days, CBC’s Toronto HQ has been invaded… by the competition.
If you’ve ever seen the Canadian Broadcasting Centre on Front Street (across from the Skydome Rogers Centre) you might have noticed a huge red cube on the roof. That’s Studio 40 (but nowhere near the Sunset Strip.) It’s a 13,000 sq. ft. high-end television studio, which gets rented out to film and TV shoots when CBC isn’t using it.
Of course, you might recall CBC’s desire to ditch in-house production, meaning that CBC won’t be using the Big Red Box much.
This week, it’s rented out to a very high profile operation: Deal or No Deal Canada.
Which is, of course, not CBC’s show. It belongs to Global TV, our competition, who plan to air the first episode at 10:00 p.m. on Feb. 4, 2007, right after the Super Bowl.
I call that the competition, but it’s not much of a contest really. CBC-TV will presumably be on air then, wowing the post-Super Bowl crowd with CBC News: Sunday Night. But, thanks to our fabulous facilities, Carol and Evan can look forward to an ass-kicking courtesy of Howie and the folks at CanWestGlobalAllianceAtlantisGoldmanSachs.
I know, I know. If we said “No Deal”, they’d have just rented some other studio, and we wouldn’t have all those howiebucks to “put back into high quality Canadian programming.” We know the drill; it’s the same reason we let them remove the cafeteria and outsource the publicity department and “compress” our office space. Who’d say no to programming dollars? (Even if they come via another network’s programming dollars….)
Anyhow, the prospect of 26 semi-clad models showing briefcases to a bald ex-pat has the press drooling on their laptops. They haven’t had this much imported star enjoyment since Conan O’Brien dropped by to insult Quebecers, or Keith Richards was told he couldn’t bring heroin unless he promised to play guitar.
Anyhow, the whole town is atwitter. You can’t escape it, unless your brain is frozen.
And oh, how I’ve tried to escape it. Daily, actually - but the CBC has apparently rented out all the elevators to Deal or No Deal.
The astute reader will recall that the Green Monster, formerly known as the “public access elevator” has been usurped by the International Academy of Design and Technology, and that a quarter of the remaining elevators are offline while Star Fleet Command installs airlocks. (It should be noted that this vast renovation does not include state-of-the-art features like stairs.)
On top of that, union agreements dictate that two elevators must be under repair at all times. That leaves a single elevator shaft for CBC employees to throw themselves into.
Yesterday, while waiting on the second floor as dozens of full elevators passed us by, my coworkers discussed alternative arrangements to reach the atrium below. A fireman’s pole was suggested, as was an inflatable yellow slide like those seen in downed aircraft (remove your shoes first, please.) If it were of sufficient height, we could probably charge a fee for the ride of a lifetime. The Barbara Frum Memorial Waterslide had a certain appeal as well.
Fortunately, we received an e-mail today from the Manger of Independent Productions (huh?) thanking us for our (assumed) patience. Best of all, it gushed, if we remain patient, they may do this to us on a regular basis!
The ability of the Toronto Production Centre to successfully negotiate the production of Deal or No Deal by using our top-notch facilities and experienced, professional personnel has brought us tremendous exposure and high praise. We hope to capitalize on this positive word-of-mouth in order to seek and attract additional television production for our studios. We thank you again for your patience, understanding and cooperation.
Dandy.
Anyhow, since there is no way of escaping the building in the foreseeable future, I thought I’d go exploring the 10th floor, to see if there were any of those briefcases full of money lying around unattended.
No luck there, but I did see several nine-foot-tall supermodels flouncing about in bathrobes, looking cold and resolutely ignoring the lunch table. I heard mobs of people behind a steel door, chanting either “Howie” or “Zowee!”, but they sounded a bit rabid and I ran away.
I did see something of interest as I fled, though. The hallway is lined with pictures of comedians from past CBC shows, and here’s the framed image right outside the Studio 40 control room:
Howie. Back when he had hair. Back when he worked for CBC, not Global. Zowee!
Before Deal or No Deal, before The Howie Mandel Show, before St. Elsewhere and the Muppet Show, there was “Howie Mandel’s Sunny Skies” (CBC, 1994-1996).
Howie used to be ours, freaks. So, cut me a deal on waiting for my own elevator?
Posted by: Paul Gorbould | 01-26-2007 | 12:01 AM
Posted in: Television | Rants
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I think you should put a rubber glove over his head and make him tell you where the money is while calling him Lebowski.
Some of your best Photoshop work yet, Paul.
On the bright side, I have become much more familiar with elevator systems and parts of the building I do not usually venture to, in an effort to find a less congested route.
No deal.
And like you I also learned about our “Manger of Independent Productions” and was assured that his only discernible duty seems to be sending spam to thousands of employees.
And I admit that it has been nice to hear the frenzied audience reverberating throughout the building. Although I could do without the power trip our security guards now find themselves on, in their unswerving devotion to protecting the ladies and “Mr. Mandel.”
I’m glad it’s all over today.
Who needs elevators?
http://www.executivechute.com/