Another one bites the dust

Yesterday, on a gloriously hot September Saturday, my CBC.ca softball team played its last game of the season. We did all right in the playoffs, wining the semifinal game against a team from HR, then losing the final to an external team.

Second place in the CBC league isn’t bad. As it is with out day jobs, the “new media” team is considered a bit of an upstart (even after fielding a team for six years, and winning the championship once.) If we play our cards right, we might even get T-shirts next year… though they might have to say “Bus Devils” or something (logo: an extra tiny and complicated org chart!)

Anyhow, nothing like 16 innings of baseball, a sunburn and a barbecue to finish off a season. Two seasons, really, because it pretty much finishes off the summer as well.

And, I’m afraid to say, finishes off my hat.

Yes, the sorry CBC chapeau pictured above is facing mandatory retirement. I bought it at the CBC Shop at the start of last year’s softball season (when the shop’s retro line first came out.) After a few dozen sweaty games, my wife has informed me that said cap is an embarrassment, and apparently it smells.

Or so she claims. To me it doesn’t smell much, though after mentioning this I was quickly reminded that none of my other garments are expected to smell at all (with the possible exception of shoes, but those are a lot further from the nose.) I’ve been told the hat must be decomissioned, and she even pressed $20 into my hands to please go buy myself a new one.

If I may devolve for a moment to my caveman roots… I think wives just don’t understand smelly athletic clothing. Mine can go for a two-hour jog (my wife, not my smelly clothes), and come back sweaty, maybe even… scented… but certainly not stinky. And then she washes her stuff.

But she’s never had to deal with football shoulder pads, hockey gloves or even shin guards. Stuff you just can’t wash after each wear; stuff that innoculates you against finding the funk objectionable.

So it’s fine to say toss the old hat in the garbage (preferably triple-bagged.) But she doesn’t know that I’m throwing out 41 base hits (yes, of course I counted - have you not been reading this blog?!?) wide-eyed warning track catches, arguments with umpires, even a handful of home runs. Who knows if I have any more of those in me? In think they are somehow stored up in the brim, as potential energy converted to salt lines. Maybe one day I could release those feats again, had I the right elixir to pour over my head (maybe it’s Gatorade.)

And an old baseball hat is sort of a sacred object. Decrepit though it may be, it’s like a badge of valour, proof of the work you’ve done and the love you’ve poured into the game. It’s utterly delusional, but wearing an old cap makes meu feel earthy and honest, like a farmer, or some character Kevin Costner would play, poorly. Plus, I think the hat finally looks authentically aged to match its 1970s logo.

In the end, I settled on the one option that neither of use like: washing. I’m told that you can wash baseball caps, if you want. Most (including CBC retro caps) are cotton, not wool (so they won’t shrink badly) and the lining of the brim is plastic, not cardboard. There’s a very funny how-to on the subject at Cruft, which points out all the stupid hat-washing schemes out there, and backs up my presumption that “The idea of washing a hat is not usually brought up by a man.”

Short, cold cycle, air dry - it’s in the machine now, and we’ll see how it goes. Even if it doesn’t fall apart, the washed hat will still be faded and stained, but not smelly. I’m guessing it’ll feel like a Costner movie prop. But I owe my wife at least this much after letting me out once a week for two summers. Can we call it even?

No, I didn’t think so, even though I washed her car too. Unfortunately the new CBC retro hats are pretty lame. But that new HNIC one is sharp… hmmm, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Any time I want new clothes, I’ll just sweat in the old ones! I just have to pretend they are made with cardboard inside. Shhh, guys, don’t tell.

Posted by: Paul Gorbould | 09-10-2007 | 01:09 AM
Posted in: CBC | Sports