gor[b] Paul Gorbould: Words and Pictures

Emasculating dad

So, last weekend was absolutely lovely outside - or so I'm told. It was a bit of a tough one for me, because I was stuck inside with the girls. Actually it was even tougher for my eldest - she had a stomach bug, and on top of that her first pet fish died. Still, it was nothing I couldn't alleviate by spending all weekend in the basement making... princess crafts.

First up was this pair of "Pretty Princess Headresses" - design courtesy of a book of princess crafts we were given a couple of years ago. Now, I don't know if real princesses ever wore dunce caps covered in tissue paper and stickers, with streamers taped to the top, but the important thing is that my girls don't know either. Next time I'm at the Tower inspecting the Crown Jewels, I'll let you know.

After that came a 3D "Zigzag Castle Card", which made a nice backdrop for small plastic toys to cavort in front of. Not exactly how it looked in the illustration, but worse things can happen when you give a five-year-old a pair of scissors.

You'll be pleased to know that since the weekend a moat with alligators has been added. OK, that was me last night after the girls went to bed.

Did my masculinity suffer from so much girlishness? Not really - it has faced worse challenges over the past five years. (Also, Sunday night I hit Home Depot and fixed our toilet - booyah! Man again!)

In fact, I've been compiling a list for a friend of mine who just had a baby girl. Unfortunately I only have two items - three would be a bona fide list, but I'm stuck here. Perhaps you can help. It's called...

Signs you are the father of little girls:

1) You automatically sort your laundry into lights, darks and pinks.

2) You sit down to go pee, because you are just too tired to stand.

What else? Dan, Joe, surely you guys can help here... Tessa and Jayne must have observed a few masculine indignities... help me out?

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UPDATE: And just like that, the thoroughly emasculated Sinsiter Dan heeds the call! Here's his list, which is bigger and better than mine by far:

I started writing a list in your comments on the 'father of girls syndrome', and it got a little longer than I had intended. Being a Letterman fan, I must have a predisposition to lists of ten;

1. Sometimes there is no alternative to accepting the role as the Evil Stepmother.

2. Every third sentence having to do with the bathroom ends with; "But not daddy, he's different" (I got this a lot in university too)

3. You know who Loonette the Clown is, and your creeping sexual attraction for her has become a matter of some concern.

4. You know who Loonette the Clown is, and apparently that's normal.

5. Even though they never show up, all the Disney princesses are still invited to Thanksgiving dinner.

6. "That's what Cinderella would do" becomes an acceptable argument.

7. Dora is okay, but suddenly seems Diego seems shifty.

8. Every day is a new lesson in things you didn't explain that made someone cry.

9. Your facial hair is added to the list along with quantum theory of stuff that makes no damn sense.

10. The difference between pigtails, ponytails and a topknot is now a subject on which you could write a doctoral dissertation.

Thanks, Dan!