I was fortunate enough to scrounge up a single ticket for last night’s Raptors playoff victory over the Orlando Magic (see my comments from last year’s playoffs here and here).
Here are 10 observations:
1. Only a the playoffs do I get to enjoy high-fiving a stranger.
2. People sing better when they wear the same shirt.
3. “Fuck you Turkoglu” is a pretty funny chant.
4. Those blonde chicks seem awfully surly for sweat moppers.
5. Watching Jason Kapono on defence is like watching my mom try to breakdance.
6. My new fave mascot iteration: Flasher Raptor!
7. Stan Van Gundy: 3 coronary events an hour for the past 10 years.
8. Message to Dance Pak: Two dances per game isn’t a job.
9. Facecloths make ineffective noisemakers.
10. Apparently there’s an NBA player called Gortat. Who knew?
Also at the game was my colleague and sometime sportswriter Paul Jay, who contributed five more notes from the gondola:
1. Those parachuted basketballs. Worst promotion ever: two were flung onto the court - using the chute as a sling-shot - once during the game. Threat of arrest soon followed.
2. Superman’s reaction to red (kryptonite)? Makes him crazy. Nice work on those free throws, Dwight.
3. Jason Kapono’s trade value two weeks ago versus today. Discuss.
4. Toronto has a unique ability to play intense defence. Y’know, once in a while.
5. All timeout entertainment should be banned during the playoffs. Especially anything involving children, contests or attempts at hilarity.
A miscellany of conversational snippets overheard in the Gorbould household this past week. Thing One is 6, Thing Two is 4.
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Thing One: Dad, we need new markers.
Dad: We do?
Thing One: Yeah. These are out of marker juice.
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Thing One: Hands up, who wishes they were Godzilla?
Dad: Me!
Thing Two, to Thing One: What about you?
Thing One: Nope.
Thing Two: Guess we’ll have to squash you, then.
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Thing One, out of the blue: Ahhhhhhh!
Dad: What?
Thing One: I’m scared.
Dad: Of what?
Thing One: Spring.
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Thing One: Dad, I need you to come to school tomorrow.
Dad: Why’s that?
Thing One: I need you on my squirrel catching team.
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Dad: If you have children, what do you think you’ll name them?
Thing One: Cappuccino, and Streetcar.
Dad, to Thing Two: What will you call your kids?
Thing Two: Poo Poo, Pee Pee, and Bum-Bum Smell.
To: iO! Staff
From: Paul Gorbould
Subject: gor[b]! gor[b]! gor[b]! gor[b]! gor[b]!
I have published something on my blog. Please go to my blog to see what I blogged.
At this time of year you can’t help but stumble upon those “signs of spring” stories - you know, the crocuses peeping out, tulips in bloom, lovers going for strolls in the sunshine.
Let me tell you, there are precious few crocuses in downtown Toronto, and the lovers don’t stroll until it gets dark on Jarvis. So I did an informal poll of my colleagues, and here’s our tentative Urban Signs of Spring list. See if you agree, or if you can add any to the list:
- A winter’s worth of dog turds and cigarette butts resurfaces from beneath the snow.
- The good mangos reappear in the stalls in Chinatown.
- Don Juan’s chip truck parks across the road for the first time. Don’s back (from Greece to grease.)
- Jays home opener. Reporters say, once again, that this year they have a chance.
- All the women on Queen St. suddenly wearing giant sunglasses.
- Beer drinkers on sidewalk patios, wearing parkas.
- Male pigeons start acting… twitterpated.
- Rickshaws rides available. New runners, same ads for hot oil body massages.
- The guy that delivers the water is already wearing shorts.
- Building management discusses removing bike carcasses from around the perimeter.
- News outlets run their annual pothole stories.
- Building management turns on air conditioning.
What did I miss? Let me know!
I watch a lot of TV on mute these days - mostly when I’m trying not to wake the kids, sometimes when I just want some peace and quiet, and very rarely whilst enjoying a cold beverage at a public establishment. So I love the fact that new TVs all switch on closed captioning when they are muted, so I can follow along.
Except, of course, when the captioning seizes up, converts English into ASCII swearing (!@##$!#@$$!), scrolls too fast and nowhere near the person speaking, overlays the sports ticker or someone’s face, spells last names using phonics, or translates “you guys” as “you gays”. I can’t imagine what the hearing disabled have to put up with.
Fortunately, Joe Clark is doing something about it, and he’s here in livid colour. The brand new and admittedly garish CaptioningSucks.com is an attempt to get people talking about how bad TV captioning is, and to help develop a set of standards to make them better. It’s the offspring of Joe’s Open & Closed project, funded at least in part through micropatronage (see the hairless guy’s “indolence” badge way down there on my sidebar.)
Check out Joe’s Flickr site for some appalling examples of the myriad ways TV captioning can be made to suck. And then visit Open & Closed to see how it can be made better. @!#$!@#%%.
So I took my four-year-old to the Raptors game on Sunday, a 118-111 loss to the Hornets. She’s been to a couple of games, and always comes up with some great lines, as I blogged previously.
On the way home this time, she had an idea for overcoming Toronto’s losing streak:
Dad, I have a secret idea for the Raptors but don’t tell. We should tell them to practice 100 times! And then we tell the Hornets to practice only one time! And then the Raptors will win. Tee hee. And maybe because we teached them, the Raptors could even send us a thank you card!
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