gor[b] Paul Gorbould: Words and Pictures

Spiders update

What the hell is it with spiders at this time of year?

I don't know about you, but in my part of the world the spiders have suddenly grown to the size of small mice, and are brazenly casting webs across anything that might come into contact with human flesh.

Faithful readers, if there are any, will recall that there's already bad blood between me and the order Araneae, as they routinely string invisible traps across my front porch. But last week they got serious about it. A hamster-sized beast strung a garrot line across the porch first thing in the morning, but lucky for us it caught a bumblebee instead of one of my kids.

And these things are hyper-aware in the fall - when I went to get wife to show her, it had hauled its catch over to the railing to hide.

And yesterday, as I carefully exited the house with my customary mine-sweeper arms flailing about, I caught a thread that was not stuck to the railings - it ran directly over my head to a giant fat arachnid dangling above me. It was clearly orchestrating one of those Peter Parker neck bite assaults - one that would not bestow superpowers, just nightmares.

I dispatched him with a broom, but when I went to get my bike... well, they'd been there too.

I don't know if this web was supposed to immobilize my bike, or just muffle the bell so I couldn't use it to call for help.

And yes, I'm obviously still playing with my new camera. Those using dialup should feel free to walk away with no hard feelings.