March of the Emperors
Thus far in my blogging career I've carefully avoided simply reposting videos and other internet curios upon which I've stumbled. Figure I'd leave that to the other 70 million bloggers out there.
But once in a while, it's hard to resist - as was the case with this absolutely hilarious commercial from France's Canal+. If you've seen March of the Penguins, you'll adore this spoof of its French title, La Marche de l'empereur.
[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMGBsucl7Z0&eurl=[/video]
Remember when those festivals of commercials from around the world were all the rage? Whatever happened to those? I seem to recall going to rep cinemas and paying actual money to see the best of the world... seems unlikely these days, somehow.
Anyhow, this one ranks right up there with my two other favourite foreign-language YouTube clips:
We Are Sinking (Berlitz' hilarious "German Coast Guard" ad)
Introducing the Book (Norway's NRK, subtitled in Danish and English)
(Video has since been removed by NRK. Update on this story here)
Any other favourites I should know about?
Zippity doodad
I love watching movies, but I have limited opportunities to do so.
The main culprit is having two kids with unpredictable bedtimes. If they don't get to sleep until 10 p.m., it'll be 11 or midnight before I can settle down to watch something.
I'm not about to go out to the video store at that time, particularly not to rent a move that has to be back in 24 hours. Often I'll only have time to watch half the flick before bed, and watch the rest the next day. Not ideal, but still better than most TV fare.
Anyhow, on the suggestion of a colleague, I recently signed up for Zip.ca, a movie-by-mail service. (Actually it's RogersVideoDirect.ca, which bought the service from Zip.)
The idea behind Zip is that you create a wish list of movies you'd like to see, and they mail you a DVD of the first available one. You keep it as long as you want, then mail it back in the provided self-addressed, stamped envelope. Once that is received, they send you the next one.
I'm signed up for the lowest level, which is two movies a month for a little over ten bucks. It's no cheaper than the video store, but I don't have to drive over there (twice) and there are no late fees. And the selection is incredible - 53,000 titles, at last count.
One enjoyable aspects they don't talk about much is creating your Ziplist of movies you'd like to see. It's sort of like making a Christmas wish list for your own entertainment. Whenever a friend tells you about a great movie they've seen, or a colleague reminds you of classic you've always been meaning to watch, or you read one of those top 100 lists, you can rush to the nearest computer and add it to your list.
And one day it will show up on your doorstep. That part is the best - finding a slim red envelope in your mailbox and tearing it open to see what you get this week. Mini Christmas mornings, twice monthly!
Not a bad little racket. But my brother-in-law had a point when he asked why this service is any better than a download system like Rogers on Demand, where you simply order the movie right through your TV and watch it then and there.
Zip has a few advantages. The selection is extraordinary: 53,000 films eclipses the 3,000 available on demand (and beats the pants off the selection in any video store.) And of course you can keep it as long as you want, whereas most on demand movies self-destruct after 24 hours.
Still, these advantages are temporary. It seems to me just a matter of time before all 53,000 or more are available online - that's just a matter of storage and bandwidth, and we all know those are advancing to they point where they're almost free. And the 24 hour window is completely arbitrary.
I think services like Zip.ca have about two more years before they become entirely obsolete. In fact, Zip thinks so too, which is why they've recently announced they are pushing into online movie delivery post haste.
After mailing customers a whopping six million DVDs, thus becoming Canada's busiest online video service in just three years, Zip.ca is about to launch Zip.tv. The goal is to not only bypass Canada Post by enabling downloads of movies and TV shows, but also to offer free hosting of user-generated video content.
DVD-by-mail is, when you think about it, rather ridiculous.
You have digital content, I want digital content to play on my digital device. So let's make a physical copy of it, and put it in a truck and carry it to my doorstep, and then ship it back again? Absurd.
We'll no doubt look back at this in a few years and laugh. Actually, some are doing so already. At left is a Zip parody that was included in an entry to the CBC.ca 10th Anniversary contest by Sam Solomon from Montreal. Despite getting my vote, it wasn't a finalist, which I think is a shame.
Anyhow, for the moment, I'm enjoying a weird little window in between technologies.
Here are the first five movies I received, in order:
- Hell's Angels
- Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
- The Barbarian Invasions
- The Year of the Yao
- Shaun of the Dead
A B&W classic, a martial arts flick, a French-Canadian drama, a sports documentary and a zombie movie. A disparate lot, but they suit me just fine (I've greedily decided that these are movies for me, not my wife, who is usually too tired to watch movies on a school night.)
I'm taking recommendations... my Ziplist awaits.
Bum deal
For the past couple of days, CBC's Toronto HQ has been invaded… by the competition.
If you've ever seen the Canadian Broadcasting Centre on Front Street (across from the Skydome Rogers Centre) you might have noticed a huge red cube on the roof. That's Studio 40 (but nowhere near the Sunset Strip.) It's a 13,000 sq. ft. high-end television studio, which gets rented out to film and TV shoots when CBC isn't using it.
Of course, you might recall CBC's desire to ditch in-house production, meaning that CBC won't be using the Big Red Box much.
This week, it's rented out to a very high profile operation: Deal or No Deal Canada.
Which is, of course, not CBC's show. It belongs to Global TV, our competition, who plan to air the first episode at 10:00 p.m. on Feb. 4, 2007, right after the Super Bowl.
I call that the competition, but it's not much of a contest really. CBC-TV will presumably be on air then, wowing the post-Super Bowl crowd with CBC News: Sunday Night. But, thanks to our fabulous facilities, Carol and Evan can look forward to an ass-kicking courtesy of Howie and the folks at CanWestGlobalAllianceAtlantisGoldmanSachs.
I know, I know. If we said "No Deal", they'd have just rented some other studio, and we wouldn't have all those howiebucks to "put back into high quality Canadian programming." We know the drill; it's the same reason we let them remove the cafeteria and outsource the publicity department and "compress" our office space. Who'd say no to programming dollars? (Even if they come via another network's programming dollars….)
Anyhow, the prospect of 26 semi-clad models showing briefcases to a bald ex-pat has the press drooling on their laptops. They haven't had this much imported star enjoyment since Conan O'Brien dropped by to insult Quebecers, or Keith Richards was told he couldn't bring heroin unless he promised to play guitar.
Anyhow, the whole town is atwitter. You can't escape it, unless your brain is frozen.
And oh, how I've tried to escape it. Daily, actually - but the CBC has apparently rented out all the elevators to Deal or No Deal.
The astute reader will recall that the Green Monster, formerly known as the "public access elevator" has been usurped by the International Academy of Design and Technology, and that a quarter of the remaining elevators are offline while Star Fleet Command installs airlocks. (It should be noted that this vast renovation does not include state-of-the-art features like stairs.)
On top of that, union agreements dictate that two elevators must be under repair at all times. That leaves a single elevator shaft for CBC employees to throw themselves into.
Yesterday, while waiting on the second floor as dozens of full elevators passed us by, my coworkers discussed alternative arrangements to reach the atrium below. A fireman's pole was suggested, as was an inflatable yellow slide like those seen in downed aircraft (remove your shoes first, please.) If it were of sufficient height, we could probably charge a fee for the ride of a lifetime. The Barbara Frum Memorial Waterslide had a certain appeal as well.
Fortunately, we received an e-mail today from the Manger of Independent Productions (huh?) thanking us for our (assumed) patience. Best of all, it gushed, if we remain patient, they may do this to us on a regular basis!
The ability of the Toronto Production Centre to successfully negotiate the production of Deal or No Deal by using our top-notch facilities and experienced, professional personnel has brought us tremendous exposure and high praise. We hope to capitalize on this positive word-of-mouth in order to seek and attract additional television production for our studios. We thank you again for your patience, understanding and cooperation.
Dandy.
Anyhow, since there is no way of escaping the building in the foreseeable future, I thought I'd go exploring the 10th floor, to see if there were any of those briefcases full of money lying around unattended.
No luck there, but I did see several nine-foot-tall supermodels flouncing about in bathrobes, looking cold and resolutely ignoring the lunch table. I heard mobs of people behind a steel door, chanting either "Howie" or "Zowee!", but they sounded a bit rabid and I ran away.
I did see something of interest as I fled, though. The hallway is lined with pictures of comedians from past CBC shows, and here's the framed image right outside the Studio 40 control room:
Howie. Back when he had hair. Back when he worked for CBC, not Global. Zowee!
Before Deal or No Deal, before The Howie Mandel Show, before St. Elsewhere and the Muppet Show, there was “Howie Mandel’s Sunny Skies†(CBC, 1994-1996).
Howie used to be ours, freaks. So, cut me a deal on waiting for my own elevator?
Infamous last words
On Monday, Canada's first TV weatherman died at age 91. Percy Saltzman was the very first person to appear on CBC-TV when it signed on in 1952. He pretty much invented the industry: the first road and forest fire reports, the first use of radar and satellite, and the first signature bit - a flip of the chalk at the end of his reports.
When news of his death broke, I posted his obit on the CBC Archives site, and wrote a short piece for Inside the CBC, which I'll be assisting with this week.
Then, a comment on that piece absolutely blew my mind: Percy Saltzman had a blog!
Actually, he had a rather decent website, percysaltzman.com.
But the blog is a real eye-opener. Here's an old guy - a nonagenerian, to be precise - who started a blog in May 2006. Of interest, his first entry was about the death of another famous Canadian, John Kenneth Galbraith.
But it's his last blog entry that has me reeling. On Dec. 6, 2006, he posted his final piece, entitled Nudies and Me. Here's how it begins.
All my long life I have doted on the female form divine. It’s a sort of madness, an all-consuming passion, persisting now into my tenth decade.
I welcome the frenzy. It maketh the juices to flow, the mouth to salivate, the throat to tickle and tighten, the eyes to glitter and bulge, the crotch also, the pulse to race, the heart to drum like an all-steel band.
Racy stuff! And it gets racer, with a discussion of catching his parents "in flagrante delicto making the beast with two backs", lonely adolescent moments when "hormonal surges drove me into an unremitting sexual frenzy, and with no natural female outlet handy, I took myself in hand", and deflowering his wife on his wedding night:
She was a virgin with as it happened a case-hardened maidenhead made of solid steel. There was no way I could penetrate despite urgent and repeated thrustings.
Avast! Too much! Where's WebSense when I need it?
That was posted Dec. 6th, and quite possibly the last thing he ever wrote. If you want to get creeped out even further, here's how his CBC.ca/Arts obit describes his demise:
About six weeks ago, the iconic TV pioneer suffered a seemingly minor injury and his health began deteriorating rapidly, his family said.
I almost expect that last post to trail off with, "and then… I… Arrghhhhhh……………………"
Sorry, that's a bit harsh. I have great respect for Saltzman and don't wish to speak ill of him. And I'm not, actually - his blog is extremely well-written, amusing and edgy. If anything, I think even more highly of this pioneer. To be that frank at age 91, to unabashedly post intimate information for the whole world (and even his great granddaughter) to one day read - that's ballsy. I can only hope to have as much vim at the end of my days.
But it also gets me thinking: what will my last blog post be?
Surely there are others, but Saltzman is the first blogger I've encountered to have passed away at the height of his blogging career. Nudies and Me will, presumably, stay online his last chapter. A strange legacy, but something tells me the man wouldn't object.
Should you treat each post as if it's your last? There's a daunting thought.
Foreign Affairs: Sexier than ever!
Wow, there's a first.
Our office boasts a tiny TV that is usually, and silently, tuned to CBC-TV or Newsworld (er, unless there's a big game on…)
Today's cabinet shuffle was nattering away in the background, when all of a sudden jaws dropped and all the men (then everyone else) gathered 'round. They've appointed a hottie!
Said hottie: Helena Guergis, now member of the Privy Council, secretary of state for foreign affairs and international trade and sport.
And, as one fellow beside me said, "of my heart."
The press has already made much of the rugged good looks of bachelor Minister of Foreign affairs Peter Mackay. And now this! Yowza. Watch out, diplomatic world. Canada is turning up the heat.
(Oh, apparently it's pronounced "DZHOR-dzhis" - not "gorgeous", unfortunately. I couldn't find any sources indicating Ms. Guergis' marital status, but I'm betting it won't be long before someone takes an interest. Either way, Canada's gonna have the sexiest foreign ministry in the developed world. Good on us.)
Belinda who?
For further entertainment, be sure to read the Wikipedia entry on Ms. Guergis.
According to that source, her credentials include running a bed and bath gift shop at a mall in Angus, and winning the Miss Huronia Pageant. After winning, she apparently found out that she had paid four times the actually entry fee, and successfully sued the pageant administrator for, among other things, the cost of her gown. Said administrator claims Guergis made death threats so scary that she had a miscarriage.
Sadly, Guergis later lost Miss Oktoberfest and the Canadian Search for Miss Universe, and had to settle for politics.
Highlights of her political career as include telling Trinity-Spadina voters she was for same-sex marriage (2003), then telling Simcoe-Grey voters she's against it (2004) and voting against it in 2005.
That year she also tabled a private member's bill banning MPs from crossing the floor. The next year, she went to work for parliamentary secretary David Emerson, fresh off of his trip across the floor.
(According to her website, "A hypocrite is someone who says one thing and does another.")
So far the press really doesn't seem to know what to make of this appointment. The Globe story, at least at the time of this post, had one-paragraph descriptions for almost all the ministers, but for Guergis, there's a blank line.
(The next iteration focused only on ministers, and she was removed entirely. And it's the first time I've seen the new CTVglobemedia logo down at the bottom… yuck.)
By the way, what on earth is this photo they have on Rona Ambrose? To me, it looks for all the world like someone aiming a sniper rifle at her.
Perhaps that's how they got her out of the environment ministry hot seat. She's moving on to intergovernmental affairs, western economic diversification, and the Privy Council.
I have no idea what any of those things are, but that may not be a prerequisite.
An offer we can’t refuse
Today CBC held an internal “Town Hall†to announce the corporation’s new vision for an integrated news service. The gist of it: dump Canada Now, get back into local news, integrate newsrooms with all media lines, and ramp up Web 2.0 stuff (which, I hope, may pave the way for Radio 2.0 and TV 2.0, which right now nobody really has the cash or cojones to attempt. Except Zed. But Zed’s dead, baby.)
Generally, it’s all sensible stuff, either undoing recent mistakes or doing what you’d do if you were building a broadcaster from scratch. I won’t get into the details of the announcement – I’m sure they will be reported and discussed at length elsewhere. But I was fascinated by the language involved.
So what exactly is this new CBC news thingy? According to CBC-TV VP Richard Stursberg, it’s an “offer†– he used the word exactly 26 times in his talk and Q&A.
Not just an “offerâ€, but an “integrated offerâ€, a “mobile offerâ€, a “multi-platform offerâ€, and so on. Which prompted a word-wise colleague to ask: when did “offer†replace “offering†as the noun of choice?
What’s the difference, anyhow, between “a special offer†and a “sacrificial offering� Time to dig into semantics again (I still get at least a dozen hits each week to my post on Is Chairman Sexist?)
Turns out there isn’t really much difference. Both mean “something that is offeredâ€. Offer connotes more of a proposal or an attempt, while offering seems to be more of a gift, but they are almost synonymous.
Offer:
1. The act of offering: an offer of assistance.
2. Something, such as a suggestion, proposal, bid, or recommendation, that is offered.
3. Law. A proposal that if accepted constitutes a legally binding contract.
4. The condition of being offered, especially for sale: thousands of bushels of wheat on offer.
5.
a. An attempt; a try.
b. A show of intention.
Offering:
1. The act of making an offer.
2. Something, such as stock, that is offered.
3. A presentation made to a deity as an act of religious worship or sacrifice; an oblation.
4. A contribution or gift, especially one made at a religious service.
In English, the term has a religious origin: “from the Middle English offren, from Old English offrian, to present in worship.â€
But no religion here: the announcement made clear this “offer†is going to be “platform agnosticâ€. The idea is that content is not dependent on the media line it ends up on – a story is a story, and the medium is not the message.
It still seems religious to me: I imagine all these Stories, or Ideas floating around like lost spirits looking for a corporeal host. But it makes sense, at least in the early phases of a story. Gotta leave room for specialists after that, or it’ll suck. Anyhow, it’s apparently the way of the future for the New York Times in the U.S. (sorry, EPIC 2014) and Freeview in the U.K.
A final note on terminology: I had to wince at the name for the plan: myCBC. That’s the name CBC.ca uses for its customizable web offerings (look for the Sign In button at the top right of CBC.ca – it sets your local weather and program grids, newsletters, etc.)
It’s a really nice idea, and I’d totally dig it if CBC Radio and CBC-TV were truly customizable. But that’s Buck Rogers territory – even the myCBC part of CBC.ca leaves a lot to be desired. The wince comes because the implementation of the personalized part of CBC.ca was a drawn-out and generally horrible experience. I'm sure it'll be easier when dealing with three+ platforms, right?
Oh, and we’ve missed the boat on the URLs, not that we’d use them - unless we want to pay off the Computer Business Centre in Long Island and the Macgregor Yacht Club of BC.
Actually, in an ideal CBC 2.0 future world, you could listen to it on a yacht sailing from B.C. to Long Island… where do I volunteer?
Catch phrase craze
I'm sure you've seen the buzz about "The 100 Greatest TV Quotes & Catch Phrases" thing coming up on TV Land (since when did they make headlines?)
The gist of it: TV Land compiled what they think are the greatest TV catch phrases of all time, and will be counting them down starting Dec. 11.
In alphabetical order, here is TV Land's list:
--"Aaay" (Fonzie, "Happy Days")
--"And that's the way it is" (Walter Cronkite, "CBS Evening News")
--"Ask not what your country can do for you ..." (John F. Kennedy)
--"Baby, you're the greatest" (Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden, "The Honeymooners")
--"Bam!" (Emeril Lagasse, "Emeril Live")
--"Book 'em, Danno" (Steve McGarrett, "Hawaii Five-O")
--"Come on down!" (Johnny Olson, "The Price is Right")
--"Danger, Will Robinson" (Robot, "Lost in Space")
--"De plane! De plane!" (Tattoo, "Fantasy Island")
--"Denny Crane" (Denny Crane, "Boston Legal")
--"Do you believe in miracles?" (Al Michaels, 1980 Winter Olympics)
--"D'oh!" (Homer Simpson, "The Simpsons")
--"Don't make me angry ..." (David Banner, "The Incredible Hulk")
--"Dyn-o-mite" (J.J., "Good Times")
--"Elizabeth, I'm coming!" (Fred Sanford, "Sanford and Son")
--"Gee, Mrs. Cleaver ..." (Eddie Haskell, "Leave it to Beaver")
--"God'll get you for that" (Maude, "Maude")
--"Good grief" (Charlie Brown, "Peanuts" specials)
--"Good night, and good luck" (Edward R. Murrow, "See It Now")
--"Good night, John Boy" ("The Waltons")
--"Have you no sense of decency?" (Joseph Welch to Sen. McCarthy)
--"Heh heh" (Beavis and Butt-head, "Beavis and Butthead")
--"Here it is, your moment of Zen" (Jon Stewart, "The Daily Show")
--"Here's Johnny!" (Ed McMahon, "The Tonight Show")
--"Hey now!" (Hank Kingsley, "The Larry Sanders Show")
--"Hey hey hey!" (Dwayne Nelson, "What's Happening!!")
--"Hey hey hey!" (Fat Albert, "Fat Albert")
--"Holy (whatever), Batman!" (Robin, "Batman")
--"Holy crap!" (Frank Barone, "Everybody Loves Raymond")
--"Homey don't play that!" (Homey the Clown, "In Living Color")
--"How sweet it is!" (Jackie Gleason, "The Jackie Gleason Show")
--"How you doin'?" (Joey Tribbiani, "Friends")
--"I can't believe I ate the whole thing" (Alka Seltzer ad)
--"I know nothing!" (Sgt. Schultz, "Hogan's Heroes")
--"I love it when a plan comes together" (Hannibal, "The A-Team")
--"I want my MTV!" (MTV ad)
--"I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl ..." (Larry, "Newhart")
--"I'm not a crook ..." (Richard Nixon)
--"I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV" (Vicks Formula 44 ad)
--"I'm Rick James, bitch!" (Dave Chappelle as Rick James, "Chappelle's Show")
--"Is that your final answer?" (Regis Philbin, "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire")
--"It keeps going and going and going ..." (Energizer Batteries ad)
--"It takes a licking ..." (Timex ad)
--"Jane, you ignorant slut" (Dan Aykroyd to Jane Curtin, "Saturday Night Live")
--"Just one more thing ..." (Columbo, "Columbo")
--"Let's be careful out there" (Sgt. Esterhaus, "Hill Street Blues")
--"Let's get ready to rumble!" (Michael Buffer, various sports events)
--"Live long and prosper" (Spock, "Star Trek")
--"Makin' whoopie" (Bob Eubanks, "The Newlywed Game")
--"Mom always liked you best" (Tommy Smothers, "The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour")
--"Never assume ..." (Felix Unger, "The Odd Couple")
--"Nip it!" (Barney Fife, "The Andy Griffith Show")
--"No soup for you!" (The Soup Nazi, "Seinfeld")
--"Norm!" ("Cheers")
--"Now cut that out!" (Jack Benny, "The Jack Benny Program")
--"Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!" (Stan and Kyle, "South Park")
--"Oh, my nose!" (Marcia Brady, "The Brady Bunch")
--"One small step for man ..." (Neil Armstrong)
--"Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?" (Grey Poupon ad)
--"Read my lips: No new taxes!" (George H.W. Bush)
--"Resistance is futile" (Picard as Borg, "Star Trek: The Next Generation")
--"Say good night, Gracie" (George Burns, "The Burns & Allen Show")
--"Schwing!" (Mike Myers and Dana Carvey as Wayne and Garth, "Saturday Night Live")
--"Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy" (Lloyd Bentsen to Dan Quayle)
--"Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids" (Trix cereal ad)
--"Smile, you're on `Candid Camera"' ("Candid Camera")
--"Sock it to me" ("Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In")
--"Space, the final frontier ..." (Capt. Kirk, "Star Trek")
--"Stifle!" (Archie Bunker, "All in the Family")
--"Suit up!" (Barney Stinson, "How I Met Your Mother")
--"Tastes great! Less filling!" (Miller Lite beer ad)
--"Tell me what you don't like about yourself" (Dr. McNamara and Dr. Troy, "Nip/Tuck")
--"That's hot" (Paris Hilton, "The Simple Life")
--"The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat" (Jim McKay, "ABC's Wide World of Sports")
--"The tribe has spoken" (Jeff Probst, "Survivor")
--"The truth is out there" (Fox Mulder, "The X-Files")
--"This is the city ..." (Sgt. Joe Friday, "Dragnet")
--"Time to make the donuts" ("Dunkin' Donuts" ad)
--"Two thumbs up" (Siskel & Ebert, "Siskel & Ebert")
--"Up your nose with a rubber hose" (Vinnie Barbarino, "Welcome Back, Kotter")
--"We are two wild and crazy guys!" (Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd as Czech playboys, "Saturday Night Live")
--"Welcome to the O.C., bitch" (Luke, "The O.C.")
--"Well, isn't that special?" (Dana Carvey as the Church Lady, "Saturday Night Live")
--"We've got a really big show!" (Ed Sullivan, "The Ed Sullivan Show")
--"Whassup?" (Budweiser ad)
--"What you see is what you get!" (Geraldine, "The Flip Wilson Show")
--"Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" (Arnold Drummond, "Diff'rent Strokes")
--"Where's the beef?" (Wendy's ad)
--"Who loves you, baby?" (Kojak, "Kojak")
--"Would you believe?" (Maxwell Smart, "Get Smart")
--"Yabba dabba do!" (Fred Flintstone, "The Flintstones")
--"Yada, yada, yada" ("Seinfeld")
--"Yeah, that's the ticket" (Jon Lovitz as the pathological liar, "Saturday Night Live")
--"You eeeediot!" (Ren, "Ren & Stimpy")
--"You look mahvelous!" (Billy Crystal as Fernando, "Saturday Night Live")
--"You rang?" (Lurch, "The Addams Family")
--"You're fired!" (Donald Trump, "The Apprentice")
--"You've got spunk ..." (Lou Grant, "The Mary Taylor Moore Show")
OK, not bad. But here is my top ten list of ones they left out, or at least phrases that I like (maybe they didn't resonate with anyone but me.)
** "What's up doc?" (Bugs Bunny, "Looney Tunes")
** "He shoots, he scores!" (Foster Hewitt, "Hockey Night in Canada")
** "Not that there's anything wrong with that" (Jerry Seinfeld, "Seinfeld")
** "Eat my shorts" (Bart Simpson, "The Simpsons")
** "Ha ha!" (Nelson Muntz, "The Simpsons")
** "Exterminate!" (Daleks, "Doctor who")
** "Not!" (Mike Myers and Dana Carvey as Wayne and Garth, "Saturday Night Live")
** "You are the weakest link. Goodbye." (Anne Robinson, "The weakest link")
** "Survey says:" (Richard Dawson, "Family Feud")
** "I pity the fool!" (B.A. Baracus, "The A Team")
After those ten, here are some other personal suggestions:
** "That's the news, and I am outta here" (Dennis Miller, "Weekend Update" on SNL)
** "I did not have sex with that woman" (Bill Clinton)
** "Sorry about that, Chief" AND
"Missed it by that much" (Maxwell Smart, "Get Smart")
** "Hogaaaaaan!" (Col. Wilhelm Klink, "Hogan's Heroes")
** "I'm in hot pursuit!" (Rosco P. Coltrane, "The Dukes of Hazard")
** "Are you kidding me?" AND
"Break out the salami and cheese, this one's over" (Chuck Swirsky, Raptors announcer)
** "Hello every bod-yyyyy!" (Grover, "Sesame Street")
** "Hey there Boo Boo!" AND
"I'm smarter than the average bear!" (Yogi Bear, Hanna-Barbera cartoons)
** "Meep meep!" (The Roadrunner, "Looney Tunes")
** "Kermit the frog here" (Kermit, "The Muppet Show")
** "Oh my God, Magnum!" (Jonathan Quayle Higgins III, Magnum P.I.)
** "Look up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman!" (crowd, "The Adventures of Superman")
** "Scooby dooby doo!" (Scooby-Doo, "Scooby-Doo, Where are You!")
As you can see, I think cartoons are hugely under-represented. And of course I could have picked dozens of other phrases from The Simpsons, SNL, Seinfeld etc., but I figured I'd just select a couple.
What else was missed by TV Land (and me)? Let me know!
Tenacious Gor[b]
I took advantage of another CBC perk yesterday: free studio tapings. I spent an hour watching a pre-taping of The Hour, featuring an interview with Jack Black and Kyle Gass of Tenacious D.
Now, I have no plans to see their movie, but the interview was a hoot. George Stroumboulopoulos began with a mock-serious question about Israel and Palestine, and it got sillier from there. Black was manic as always, but KG set the tone with his bright orange T-shirt (tie-died with a large dragon on the front, the neck and armpits ripped out) plus shorts, white sport socks, and flip-floppy sandals.
I won't bore you with a complete analysis of the taping (Allan did a nice overview on Teamakers a while back), but a few things struck me about the interview.
First, Strombo is a total pro. He spent every spare moment chatting with the people in the audience (no need to rehearse or practice anything), and was so polite as to ask their permission to record a voice-over. Everything was done with one take. I've been to tapings before, and they are usually a little boring (or downright painful) with retake after retake, forced laughter from the audience, etc. Not here.
The other refreshing thing was that the guests made no bones about the fact that the movie was flopping. Even though it's still in the theatres, the pair came right out and said it was disappointing, and they had hoped for a better opening. Actually, they were pretty funny about it.
Black: "It kinda sucks. But I heard that Citizen Kane only made a million when it first came out, so we're like, twice as good as that movie! But only 1/20th as good as the dancing penguin movie."
The interview airs tonight.
Quiet moment
This afternoon I took advantage of a little-used perk of the Canadian Broadcasting Centre: The Graham Spry Theatre.
The 30-seat theatre is located right beside the CBC Museum, and frequently runs "sneak peaks" of upcoming CBC and Newsworld programs (usually documentaries.) These shows play on the enormous screen on a continuous loop all day long.
As usual, the theatre was empty. I sat down (I imagine the seat you choose in an empty theatre says something about you, psychologically...) and spent a delightful 10 minutes with a coffee and a documentary.
Today's flick was "Call of the Wild", about a Scot named Guy Grieve who leaves his family and office job in Edinburgh to live alone in an Alaskan log cabin for a year.
It was at times funny and alarming - there are more than a few hints of The Shining as he talks to his dog and his handycam in the dark. It was moving, too - Grieve watches a video of his sons opening their Christmas presents in his absense, then discovers what happens when a sled dog tries to have puppies in isolated, -50 degree conditions. "Triste," said the one other person who popped into in the theatre.
The show airs tonight at 10:00 on CBC Newsworld.
Now, I sure as hell wouldn't spend a year alone in a cabin, but I did appreciate the moment of calm in the middle of an urban work day - and the film only enhanced the feeling.
Perhaps tomorrow I'll drop into the St. Andrew's Presbyterian Church next door on Simcoe St. - for years I've seen the sign that says, "Drop in and find a quiet moment", but I've never taken them up on the offer.
Anatomically incorrect
Can you tell I'm a little obsessed with this billboard, directly across from the CBC.ca offices? Well, these things happen when you have 20' heads staring at you all day.
I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact they are the faces of our competition (I'm told we have a big billboard across the road from their digs too. How petty, and fun! Makes you long for the days of a good ol' penny press newspaper war!)
I actually love this series of ads, because they really reflect my city, and my country.
Among the things I learned from CTV's Thursday night lineup:
- 71% of us (5 out of 7) are doctors. The remaining 29% are detectives
- 86% of us (6 out of 7) have blue eyes [and get some coloured contacts, missy, or you'll never work in this OR again]
- 86% of us (6 out of 7) are beautiful [you in the middle, would it kill you to lose the beard, and a few pounds?]
- 100% of us (7 out of 7) are white
- - 100% of us (7 out of 7) are Americans
So I was more than a little amused to read that CTV goofed up the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy, airing episode #2 by accident.
(In this photo you can see the dastardly Satellite Feed Thieves using a crane to steal the first episode, taking it off to the secret hiding place where they keep The Scream and episode 3 of The One.)
Millions of people were left high and dry, unable to find out the resolution to last year's cliffhanger ending (something to do with George's hair, I believe.)
For those of you who missed out, I'm here to tell you what happened in the premiere:
Spoiler warning! Skip ahead if you want to be surprised!
- A patient was sick with a bizarre illness. It was stranger than something out of P.T. Barnum, but less strange than an illness on House.
- A female doctor was bitchy, and a male one was cocky.
- Someone slept with someone they shouldn't have. McDreamy and Grey looked at each other in an elevator. There was insipid, dithering romantic angst all round.
There, all caught up.
I'm glad it wasn't CBC that aired the wrong feed for an hour - Bev Oda would have all our asses this time. Then again, such a slip would be unlikely - we do get most of our shows in-country, after all....
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